Even Things at Disney can be Useless

August 24, 2023

Chances are, if you are reading this, Disney World is probably your happy place. At the very least, it is one of your preferred vacation destinations. I could wax poetic about the many endearing qualities of WDW for hours. And I have. We all love the varied and atmospheric dining spots. We all flock to the parks to experience the innovative attractions. We all enjoy relaxing at the immersive and highly themed resorts and enjoying all of their amenities. We all spend way too much money on distinctive merchandise in the myriad of unique shopping venues. Us DisNerds pretty much love all of it.

However, are there things that are useless at Walt Disney World? Most of us would give a knee-jerk reaction of “Of course not.” I mean, not everyone enjoys the same things. We don’t like to yuck on anyone else’s yum. However, I was watching one of my favorite vloggers on YouTube, 4K at WDW, and he was walking around a particular resort and I saw something that struck me as a complete waste of space. That got me thinking: what else at my favorite vacation spot is useless?

Admittedly, this list is short. Disney usually won’t waste time on something that doesn’t appeal to anyone at all. But there are a few things or places that seem to have no real use or that simply don’t seem to interest anyone.

1. Pay phones under Spaceship Earth – This one is a no-brainer. Why? Even if you didn’t have your own phone, which in itself is ludicrous, there are 10,000 people around you that do. Almost certainly, someone in your own party does. And who carries around change at Disney anyway? These relics from a bygone era have somehow escaped the axe year after year. And until the re-branding of the front of the park, they were in “FUTURE WORLD”. A bizarre irony for sure.

2. Kate Spade New York in Disney Springs – Now before you grab the pitchforks, let’s be honest and just lay it all out. No one is buying Kate Spade handbags at Disney. You are basically treating this store like I used to treat Best Buy. Go in and browse, find what you like, and then order it online for half the price. If you’re not doing that, you certainly should be. If that store sells ten handbags a year, I would be shocked. And I even have a great suggestion for what can move in there: luggage storage rental. That way you can store your bags on departure day without having to go back to your resort to get your luggage.

3. The Italy booth at EVERY. SINGLE. FESTIVAL. – This may be a bit more subjective than the rest of the things on this list, but this booth gets low marks from almost every website, food critic, and lowly blogger on the planet. The pasta is always cold and rubbery. The drinks are always lukewarm and boring. It is uninspired. It is phoned-in. For a country that is renowned for its food, they need to do better.

4. Volleyball net on the Polynesian beach – This is the thing that inspired this post. The camera was scanning the horizon and there it was. Unused. I have watched a lot of resort tour videos and YouTube and I have seen that net dozens of times and I have NEVER seen it used. Honestly, why would you? You are a 15 minute walk from the Magic Kingdom. Trader Sam’s Grog Grotto is within throwing distance. It is so hot for nine months of the year that I consider calling my ex just to get some shade. The last thing I want is sand in my speedo because of a diving save. (DO NOT MENTALLY PICTURE THAT!! IT WILL HAUNT YOU) Who greenlit that addition? Absurd.

While this list is short, there are a ton of honorable mentions, but that would just be me dunking on things I don’t like. DinoLand USA, Mission Space, Rainforest Café, Millennium Falcon: Smuggler’s Run, and paper straws. So instead I’ll cap it at four. I love Disney World, but not everything can be a home run. And some things are just a swing and a miss.